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Q: Since our retirement, my husband has changed his eating, smoking and drinking habits. All bad! He is bored and feels he has nothing to do. I love him, plead with him to change and occasionally even threaten divorce. Can I make him change?
A: It is tough! Each of us owns and chooses our addictions. Only when an individual decides they want to change will it occur, even when we understand negative results that can happen. Even then, some tend to lead us toward self-destruction.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that 34 percent of all adults are overweight, millions continue to smoke and that alcohol and drug usage is on the increase. Joining a support group can be helpful.
Take the positive approach, and tell your husband how much you love him, how wonderful your life has been and how he makes a difference in your live. Increase your social activities as a couple, take walks, learn something new and keep busy.
Remember that 90 percent of what we do and say is based on a positive attitude. Doing so can be your winning ticket.
Q: Over the years, my brother and I have chosen to disagree and have been angry since childhood. Our communication has broken down. We compete whether it is because of jealousy, who owns the most expensive car or who makes the most money.
However, our father has had a major heart attack and Mom needs help. How can we forget our differences and be good caretakers? Money is not an issue as our parents are well to do. One of us will need to be the decision maker. Both of us believe we should be one!
A: Confront your real issues. As an example, did your parents tend to favor one of you, which distanced you as children? Let go of the 50 reasons why and how you justify your differences. Reality is that parents are more likely to favor the more compliant child.
It is decision time. Are you ready to rise above your differences and understand your issues are less important than taking care of your parents?
Which of you is the more qualified by temperament, location, ability and attitude to be the primary caretaker? If both of you are married, which wife would be more likely to be the most helpful for your parents?
To begin the healing process, make the first move. Call your brother and schedule a time to discuss to help your parent’s concerns and needs. It is time to forgive, forget and seek a better relationship. Discuss your differences and try to resolve why you disagree. The time has come to compromise and to compromise.
If this does not work out, you may need to seek professional counseling. To work it out with each other is the better choice for your lifetime, if possible!
To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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